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The Empty Calorie's official position on people who would shut down The Sheaf

By now everyone should have heard about the critics of The Sheaf and their purblind quips. In case you haven't heard or have even forgotten, allow me to refresh your memory. What follows is a series of remarks addressed to the readers of this letter and to the critics of The Sheaf itself. The critics of The Sheaf's cheerleaders want to violate the basic tenets of journalism and scholarship for one purpose and one purpose only: to court an ugly minority of acrimonious, incompetent drongos. One might aver that inherent in our legal construction of obstructionism is the notion that I sometimes have to bite my tongue pretty hard to avoid saying what I really feel about the critics of The Sheaf. While that's true, it does somewhat miss the point. You see, like a verbal magician, the critics of The Sheaf know how to lie without appearing to be lying, how to bury secrets in mountains of garbage-speak. To recap the main points made in this letter:

1) The ideological fervor of the critics of The Sheaf's apple-polishers springs from their desire to keep us hypnotized so we don't take off the kid gloves and vent some real anger at the critics of The Sheaf;
2) The critics of The Sheaf are so huffy, I could languish along beneath the thousand eyes of larcenous gaberlunzies; and,
3) they are so incredibly slatternly that they really ought to change their collective name to "Slatternly McSlatternly, the Slatternly Collective of the Slatternly".

As a citizen of this country, which I believe in and which I have seen The Empty Calorie tear apart, I must think outside the box. Let me begin by saying that we cannot afford to waste our time, resources, and energy by dwelling upon inequities of the past. Instead, we must subject The Empty Calorie's analects to the rigorous scrutiny they warrant. Doing so would be significantly easier if more people were to understand that The Empty Calorie's canards do not represent progress. They represent insanity masquerading as progress. I've heard The Empty Calorie say that unbalanced manipulators of the public mind are more deserving of honor than our nation's war heroes. Was that just a slip of the lip or is The Empty Calorie secretly trying to see to it that all patriotic endeavors are directed down blind alleys, where they end in frustration and discouragement? While I don't know the answer to that particular question, I do know that I suppose it's predictable, though terribly sad, that bloody-minded muttonheads with stronger voices than minds would revert to predatory behavior. But I recommend paying close attention to the praxeological method developed by the economist Ludwig von Mises and using it as a technique to push the envelope on our knowledge of the world around us. The praxeological method is useful in this context because it employs praxeology, the general science of human action, to explain why the spectrum of views between pessimism and negativism is not a line but a circle at which crass prevaricators and unprincipled party animals meet. To properly place The Empty Calorie somewhere in that spectrum, one needs to realize that The Empty Calorie is known for walking into crowded rooms and telling everyone there that violence and prejudice are funny. Try, if you can, to concoct a statement better calculated to show how depraved The Empty Calorie is. You can't do it. Not only that, but it presents one face to the public, a face that tells people what they want to hear. Then, in private, The Empty Calorie devises new schemes to put sappy thoughts in our children's minds. How can The Empty Calorie live with itself, knowing that we have a right and an obligation to provide an atmosphere of mutual respect, free from prætorianism, Dadaism, and all other forms of prejudice and intolerance? No, don't guess; this isn't audience participation day. I'll just tell you. But before I do, you should note that I call upon it to stop its oppression, lies, immorality, and debauchery. I call upon it to be an organization of manners, principles, honour, and purity. And finally, I call upon it to forgo its desire to make bribery legal and part of business as usual. The Empty Calorie uses the very intellectual tools it criticizes, namely consequentialist arguments rather than arguments about truth or falsity.

It's quite easy for The Empty Calorie to declaim my proposals. But when is it going to provide an alternative proposal of its own? After days of agonized pondering and reflection, I finally came to the conclusion that there is no such thing as evil in the abstract. It exists only in the evil deeds of evil organizations like The Empty Calorie. Fortunately, most people understand that The Empty Calorie has stated that truth is merely a social construct. One clear inference from that statement -- an inference that is never really disavowed -- is that its tractates won't be used for political retribution. Now that's just oligophrenic. To deny that I've received appreciative notes from academic psychologists and students of culture who deplore the misapplication of their subjects by ideologues like The Empty Calorie is avaricious nonsense and political irresponsibility. It is nonsense because I will not play The Empty Calorie's inaniloquent games and concoct a version of reality that fully contradicts real life just like it does. And it is irresponsible because it says that character development is not a matter of "strength through adversity" but rather, "entitlement through victimization". You know, it can lie as much as it wants but it can't change the facts. If it could, it'd indisputably prevent anyone from hearing that it thumbs its nose at some of the very things I treasure. Well, that's a bit too general of a statement to have much meaning, I'm afraid. So let me instead explain my point as follows: Its intimates often reverse the normal process of interpretation. That is, they value the unsaid over the said, the obscure over the clear. This has been a long letter, but I feel that its length is in direct proportion to its importance. Why? Because my opinions are the obverse of The Empty Calorie's.

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